I was holding a creative writing workshop for the benefit of one of the NGOs in Lebanon, and I was surprised by a beautiful idea prepared by the Swedish government, as those in charge of cultural work there, assumed that the residence of Syrian immigrants is long, and since the law requires granting residency or citizenship after years of residency in the country, the Syrians will thus hold sooner or later the Swedish citizenship. Hence, they considered transferring the Syrian heritage to their language, so the government issued a book containing Syrian folk tales, whose characters will one day turn into a Swedish heritage. The Swedes have considered extending human bridges towards the thought, culture and heritage of the other, thus ensuring their loyalty, love and belonging to the common history that they will make together.

 

With a simple comparison with the Palestinian and Lebanese reality – the Lebanese is no exception to the Arab – we will learn about the losses incurred by the two parties. After more than seventy years since the Palestinian was expelled to Lebanon, he is still displaced, and associated to an image of marginalization, exclusion and strides to overcome all the wounds he suffered. What would have happened if the Lebanese state had embraced a cultural, humanitarian and renaissance project that would be a relief to the Palestinian suppression and oppression, and a smart attempt to benefit from the displaced population continuously increasing on Lebanon’s lands and exceeding today seventy thousand among which artists, musicians, writers, scientists, engineers, doctors, grandmothers mothers who prepare Eid cakes, and students who return home with a school bag and some joy… What would the relationship be like if it was based on respect, not exclusion and superiority? Would the Palestinian have carried a weapon if he had been treated as a human being? Would thousands of young Palestinian turn to drugs due to unemployment that crushes their dreams and their children?

 

I ask, because these tales of torment kept untold, separated me from many. My mother did not say anything, she was one of the many displaced to Tal el Zaatar camp, she only used to prevent me from many things “Don’t go to Beirut alone… Will you be late after sunset? Dekwéné is far, can’t you find a closer university, or work with non-Christians…”
Today, I am almost forty, I hardly understand what happened, and I barely understand the Lebanese formula, raising questions on the meaning of the homeland, and about identity, my identity as a displaced Palestinian in a country divided for sectarian reasons, in a world that has crossed the threshold of the third millennium with all its development and renaissance. This incomplete awareness of the division of Lebanese society has mitigated much of it, because while you live events, their consequences may shape and make you without realizing the depth of their impact on yourself and your feelings. For example, when I was a student in Saida official high school for girls, I did not understand why I had to share with a Lebanese girl, a prize awarded to excellence, while I scored first. Afterwards, when I was in university I did not understand why a scholarship was granted to someone else, although he did not have my grades; I did not understand after that why I couldn’t work in my field of specialty, but had to sell door-to-door fifteen kilograms water bag; or why this young man who liked me disappeared when he learned that I am a Palestinian.

 

Sometimes, I used to blame misfortune, without fully realizing, that there was no place for luck in a political game greater than me and thousands of others who ended up by fate in Lebanon. I rejected injustice without being completely aware of it. Lebanon is built on sectarianism and every sect has its share of inheritance and wars. Each sect has its own leaders whom have to preserve their political legacy, must create an enemy, an outsider that they are trying to protect the Lebanese from. History that brought the Palestinian together with the Lebanese was at a critical moment in the history of the Arabs, where it was no longer possible to hide the negligence and abandonment of the cause, so the Palestinian leadership was floundering in its attempts to monopolize the struggle of its people, after everyone forgot the daily suffering of this people and how he was thrown into camps where living became humiliating.

 

Yes, I fully remember my feeling of shame and humiliation when I saw the reality of camps, and fleeing them until today, from believing or accepting that thousands walk in the darkness of daylight, or that a girl dies with a bullet because gunmen from two rival factions disagreed over a football game, or because an outlaw protected by terrorist organizations entered the camp.

 

In our house, many stories were told on the Gold that was sold after the displacement: my grandmother sold her jewelry so my grandfather could buy a house outside the camp, and save his children, who immigrated to Germany to escape the inevitable death here in Lebanon during the massacre, and then returned in tombs. Other stories were also heard on torture because of the identity, kidnapping and killing, yet nobody ever told me the truth they were afraid even to remember… Then I understood that they were expelling ghosts of humiliation because they are people of dignity, and I understood my mother’s silence and fear of the night, and I understood why my uncles were all buried in one grave because the Mokhtar accepted only to sell them one grave.

 

I say this because I accept and understand that the Lebanese have the right to defend his homeland from strangers, but I do not understand how we can remain strangers and almost a hundred years have passed since our presence here, while those who are not Arabs nor our neighbors are thinking of benefiting humanly from our Syrian brothers living in their country… Will we have to wait for another century for humanity to come our way?

Extracts:
What would have happened if the Lebanese state had embraced a cultural, humanitarian and renaissance project that would be a relief to the Palestinian suppression and oppression, and a smart attempt to benefit from the displaced people continuously increasing on Lebanon’s lands and exceeding today seventy thousand among which artists, musicians, writers, scientists, engineers, doctors, grandmothers mothers who prepare Eid cakes, and students who return home with a school bag and some joy…